Mama ain’t no fool.

Yesterday was April Fool’s Day, one of my most favorite days of the year. I usually spend hours plotting and planning all the tricks I’m going to play on my daughter because I’m like that. We do a lot of laughing around my place… that’s how I like it. So when I get an entire day to play practical jokes – I take the damn opportunity and run!

This year, however… I wasn’t feeling quite up to it. I don’t know if it’s because it fell on a Monday, or because I got little J to her dentist appointment at the new dentist office LATE and looked like a disheveled moron? Maybe it was because I was still exhausted from all the wedding shit big J and I did over the weekend. Either way, I had no pranks prepared for yesterday morning. I made up for it yesterday evening though, don’t you worry!

Since I didn’t get pictures of the funny things I decided to do when we got home, instead I’m sharing with you a blog post I wrote for my old blog last year. It still makes me giggle :)

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Open my eyes.. squint at the clock, it’s 7:41.

She let us sleep awfully late this morning, uh oh. Try to sit up…. ughhhh hangover, lay back down. Really need water and Tylenol.

I mumble, “Why does it smell like air freshener in here?” Giggles from the living room…. this can’t be good.

Then there she is right in front of me, all smiles. “Good morning little J, do I even want to know?”

“Hehehehehehehehe Happy April Fool’s Day!” she squeals.

Oh yeah, April Fool’s Day. In our half-drunken stupor last night we thought it would be funny to a) saran wrap her doorway, b) put lemon juice in the only bottle of water in the fridge, c) lock her bathroom door, d) turn the milk blue and the most fateful of all.. e) unplug the TV. She was inspired, and had no alternative entertainment so she decided to pull some “pranks” on us as well….

I stumble out of bed and into the bathroom. Rub my eyes, rub them again…why is the toilet paper red? Did someone get hurt? Did I forget about starting my period or something???

“little J… why is the toilet paper red? And where is my toothbrush?”

In the shower.

“Hehehehehehehehehehe!”

Sigh… it’s going to be a long day. Tylenol, water, STAT.

I very slowly walk into the kitchen, afraid. I know there must be more mayhem. I’m right, of course…..

Ughhhhhhh why did we have to prank her?! She always does stupid shit like this. Mental note: after I’m done being pissed off… I need to teach her how to pull good pranks.

“Okay, so what’s the story with the peanut butter? And what am I feeling all over the floor?”

Her face falls a little, I wasn’t finding it funny. That’s bad news for her. “Well, I put salt in the peanut butter so when big J puts his finger in it to lick some he’ll be surprised!”

Ah, salt. That must be what’s covering the bottom of my feet. Lovely.

I call in backup. I can’t go this alone. “big J! Please get up and come in here!” “And lil J, WHY does it smell like air freshener?!”

Giggling, she runs away.

I am way too hungover for this. Enter big J. He looks at the peanut butter, looks at me, we share a brief smile.. we both know though her attempts failed miserably, she had every right to try pranking us after the surprises we left for her to find. As usual, she just took it too far. Commence clean up… I hear him muttering “What the fuck is this??”

Oh, another prank. Pepper on the counter that you would never be able to notice with bare eyes alone. She was REALLY busy this morning. Mental note: Never, ever, ever unplug the TV again. Ever.

The smell of air freshener is suffocating me, I need an answer. I cross the final frontier, the living room. The source of this usually pleasant but horribly awful in large amounts smell. “little J, please tell me why you sprayed so much air freshener.”

“Well, I wanted to make the TV smell good so when you turned it back on you would be like ‘Why does the TV smell so good?’ but I used too much and it made the floor wet so I just kept spraying so it would be funny because it’s all wet. I’m sorry Mom….”

“Get a towel, clean this up, I am OVER your pranks little J. You wasted the spray, the living room smells like crap, and my head was ALREADY pounding – now it’s absolutely killing me!” Leave the room, breath.. or try to. Open the patio door for air flow. Coffee….. need coffee.

big J is already on it, and emptying the dishwasher and cleaning up her messes. My hero, he knew I was nearing the edge of sanity at 8am… so he counteracted my early demise with some good deeds. I’m a lucky girl, I love you babe.

It’s now 9am, I think we’re back to “normal”… or as normal as things get around here. I am Googling April Fool’s Day pranks because I plan on getting her back later. I never learn,  because after I get her she’ll try to get me back. But oh well! I’m all about some good old-fashioned Sunday Fun…. so we will trash the house and battle it out allllll day.

Bring it on little lady!!!!

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