School functions make my eye twitch.

Have you ever lived through the hell of shoving your way through halls full of hyper elementary school kids and their parents and their million siblings? People carrying ginormous poster boards and crying babies. PTA volunteers forcing you to take 8 copies of the International Night volunteer form and a letter requesting me to volunteer for an executive or active position next school year. Girl Scout parents stopping me to ask cookie questions in every other classroom. Ohhhh the Science Fair was no exception.

I couldn’t help thinking last night that death would probably be less painful.

Something about all of that commotion really gets my blood boiling. I notice every single obnoxious kid and every single “drone” as I’m dubbing them (kids with their eyes glued to their cell phone screens, oblivious to the outside world). Then I start commenting. At first, under my breath… then as my patience shrinks, my voice gets louder.  At that point I’m gently ushered to exit stage left before I make a scene cause let’s face it – I hate everyone when my patience runs out.

All in all it was a fun evening, the science projects were fascinating as always, and my daughter wore her medal with pride. (No, they do not judge the projects.. EVERYONE gets a medal.) She even brought it with her to school this morning because she is still excited! The one part of the Science Fair that I enjoyed the most was a presentation given by a NASA representative. We live right outside of DC so that’s really no big deal to these kids..

Picture the guy from the Clear Eyes commercials. How he always looked half asleep and his monotonous voice carried on and on and on. That was this NASA guy. He had a slide show presentation about weather on other planets and what we can learn about Earth’s weather from observing them, really interesting stuff! My fiancé and I were very much tuned in with what he was saying… the kids however, did not understand a single word of it. I don’t think the guy had ever spoken to a cafeteria full of children before because he was using words that they had never heard of making the presentation effectively useless. An example:

In another room they had a local Nature Center representative speaking about how weather affects our local wildlife, complete with an array of snakes, turtles and other little creatures for the kids to check out. I guess I don’t need to tell you which presentation was the most popular?

I’m just glad it’s over.


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