Sit in DC traffic.
I don’t know what I was thinking yesterday.. maybe I was smoking crack and didn’t realize it. My wedding dress fitting was scheduled for 1:30pm in Media, PA so I hopped in J’s car at 11:00am to leave the Northern VA/DC area to get there (the brakes are almost out in my car so I stole his). Only instead of going around the city like I normally would, I was completely distracted because I was driving J’s car and hopped on 395N instead which goes directly through DC. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.
I blame his satellite radio, I couldn’t figure out how to get it to work and was barely even looking at the road, let alone the highway signs. Once I realized that I hadn’t moved far in a 5 minute time span, I started taking in my surroundings:
Brake lights. Everywhere.
Oh no…. that is pretty much a death sentence within a 15 mile radius from DC. If you look up and all you see are brake lights all around you, you are fucked, my friend. So then I pulled out my phone to check Glob, my FAVORITE traffic app… and it was confirmed. I was barely 1/4 through a LONG line of black and red stripes on the road which means: You’re not fucking going anywhere, get comfortable.
Of course I was stuck in an area sans exits so I was literally STUCK. An hour went by, I inched along… my fury and rage reaching a fever pitch. Finally I called the seamstress and told her I would have to reschedule my appointment. The GPS kept updating my arrival time and at that point it said I would arrive around 2:30pm (an hour late) and I still had half the line of traffic to get through.
Once that was done, I tried frantically to get to the right shoulder so I could ride it to the nearest exit to turn around and go home. Apparently I wasn’t alone because the shoulder had turned into an extra lane… the really noisy one where people are honking and shouting at each other through their windows. It was such a lovely trip.
Perhaps the biggest pain in the ass of this entire USELESS endeavor was that I missed my daughter’s soccer game because of all of it. I was going to miss it anyway because I would have been in PA, but instead I missed it sitting still on 395N staring at the Washington Monument. Which is under construction and looks stupid right now.
So fuck. Shittiest Saturday ever. I’m calling it: The day I drove two hours to nowhere!