If we are going to continue this writing/reading relationship, there are a few things you should know about me:
- I am insanely boring when it comes to food.
- I eat at the same places and order the same things every time.
- When I go to new places I get the same stuff I do at other places.
- I do this because I want to like what I’m eating, and I only eat foods I know I’ll like.
- When I try something new and don’t like it, I get extremely agitated.
- When I try something else new to replace the new thing I didn’t like, I want to shoot myself in the fucking face.
I’m of course talking about my lunch today, although the food was so disgusting I can’t consider it lunch. Here’s what went down:
- A new acquaintance suggested I try Jimmy Johns instead of Subway because he’s convinced Subway will kill me [bensbitterblog, I’m looking at you kid].
- Having heard good things about Jimmy Johns from other people too, I decided to give it a go.
- I order a tuna sandwich, because I ALWAYS eat tuna sandwiches at places that serve sandwich type food.
- My tuna sandwich gets delivered semi-freakishly fast.
- IT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. There are ONIONS in my fucking TUNA!!!!!!!! What kind of sick person puts ONIONS in TUNA?!?!?!
- I’m sulking at my desk, deciding that there are far too many little onions to pick them out and eat it, when a co-worker emails me to ask if I want to accompany her to lunch.
- SCORE! A way out of this nasty decision I made!
- She was going to a place I’ve never been before [Noodle Me]…. that’s twice in one day.
- I was so hungry I went along anyway and ordered a chicken caesar sandwich (my back-up option when a tuna sandwich is not available).
- I get back to my office and find this wrapped up in the bag:
- What the fuck kind of sandwich is that, right?! I can’t even WRAP it up. Big fucking mess.
- The sauce that came with it is gross, the chicken is chewy and stringy, and there’s a full course salad piled on that is fucking with the whole thing.
- I don’t know why I’m still using bullet points, but I want you to understand something right now:
I’M NOT HAPPY!!!!!!
Also, I will never (NEVER) eat at Jimmy John’s or Noodle Me again. Those places can go fuck themselves. Subway always has, and always will, have my heart <3