Seeking: Food that doesn’t SUCK!

If we are going to continue this writing/reading relationship, there are a few things you should know about me:

  • I am insanely boring when it comes to food.
  • I eat at the same places and order the same things every time.
  • When I go to new places I get the same stuff I do at other places.
  • I do this because I want to like what I’m eating, and I only eat foods I know I’ll like.
  • When I try something new and don’t like it, I get extremely agitated.
  • When I try something else new to replace the new thing I didn’t like, I want to shoot myself in the fucking face.

I’m of course talking about my lunch today, although the food was so disgusting I can’t consider it lunch. Here’s what went down:

  • A new acquaintance suggested I try Jimmy Johns instead of Subway because he’s convinced Subway will kill me [bensbitterblog, I’m looking at you kid].
  • Having heard good things about Jimmy Johns from other people too, I decided to give it a go.
  • I order a tuna sandwich, because I ALWAYS eat tuna sandwiches at places that serve sandwich type food.
  • My tuna sandwich gets delivered semi-freakishly fast.
  • IT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. There are ONIONS in my fucking TUNA!!!!!!!! What kind of sick person puts ONIONS in TUNA?!?!?!

Jimmy John's = DISGUSTING

  • I’m sulking at my desk, deciding that there are far too many little onions to pick them out and eat it, when a co-worker emails me to ask if I want to accompany her to lunch.
  • SCORE! A way out of this nasty decision I made!
  • She was going to a place I’ve never been before [Noodle Me]…. that’s twice in one day.
  • I was so hungry I went along anyway and ordered a chicken caesar sandwich (my back-up option when a tuna sandwich is not available).
  • I get back to my office and find this wrapped up in the bag:


  • What the fuck kind of sandwich is that, right?! I can’t even WRAP it up. Big fucking mess.
  • The sauce that came with it is gross, the chicken is chewy and stringy, and there’s a full course salad piled on that is fucking with the whole thing.
  • I don’t know why I’m still using bullet points, but I want you to understand something right now:



Also, I will never (NEVER) eat at Jimmy John’s or Noodle Me again. Those places can go fuck themselves. Subway always has, and always will, have my heart <3


6 thoughts on “Seeking: Food that doesn’t SUCK!

  1. I’m a pretty adventurous eater, but I think my husband would really identify with your experience today. Generally if we’re going someplace new, he makes me order for him, so that I have to shoulder the blame if there are onions or some other horrific impurity in his food ;-)

  2. Man, don’t even get me started on how picky an eater I can be. It made living in Europe, a place where they frown on things such as ketchup on your fries, a bit tricky. Like you, I know what I like and I don’t veer too far from it. Call me boring but then I’m guaranteed to like what I’m eating. ;)

  3. As a featured part of this blog post, I must respond. As you know I recommended the Jimmy John’s because I like it so much better than Subway. However, I think the problem isn’t me or Jimmy John’s, but the stuff that you like. If you didn’t like Tuna, then you wouldn’t have to deal with the onions. If you would have liked say turkey, then you could have gotten the country sub and avoided onions.

    Now onto the other things you mentioned in this post. I am also a boring food eater, always order the same thing every time at restaurants, and don’t like when people recommend something with onions in it. Just ask anyone that I work with or my family what kind of pizza I like and they will tell you Pizza Hut, Pepperoni, and ordered on Friday. I know the deal with food.

    Ask my parents what I ate as a kid, two words: Peanut Butter. If I would have known that JJ’s included onions in their tuna, I would have not told you to go there. I just assumed that you would order the country sub, that comes without onions.

    That is all.

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