I figured that since my post yesterday was so incredibly hateful, I would keep with the theme and share with you this little gem!! It is another from my old blog, one of my very favorites :)
I know, I know. Hate is a strong word, you should say strongly dislike instead, blah blah blaaaaah. I use the word loosely, I promise. Given the situation, “I hate” could translate to “I’m jealous,” “I’m tired of,” It annoys me when,” and even the mild “I don’t like.” My preference is to verbally offend someone at least once a day so I use the blanket statement “I hate” instead. Let’s jump right into it:
When someone smells so bad that I would rather rub steaming hot dog shit on my face then stand within 20 feet of said smelly person. I’m actually talking about the new guy at work. I keep air freshener at my desk now thanks to that stinky dude.
EVERYONE else on the road. Everyone. The person that took advantage of the safe distance between myself and the car in front of me and cut me off with inches to spare. The jerk that knows my lane is ending and won’t slow down or speed up so I can get over. All the assholes that never learned how to use a turn signal. The idiots who don’t know how to turn the turn signal OFF. The jackass that tailgates me like they want to eat my bumper then swerves around me just to stop at the same damn red light. I could go on for days… you get the idea.
Rude people in the grocery store. The ones that bump into your cart with theirs, park their carts in the middle of the aisle so you can’t get around, take 5 minutes to choose a bag of rice while I contemplate shoving them to the side to grab my long grain white and run, and of course – the parents of the bad ass children that are running around screaming and terrorizing every other shopper in the store.
Big people in small clothing. This needs no explanation.
Anyone prettier than me. Not that I actually do my hair, wear makeup, jewelry or dress in anything other than jeans and hoodies. Still, I hate them. Be ugly!
Rich people. Stinking filthy rich people with bad attitudes, more specifically. In my line of work I have to listen to these people whine about how our window installation is going to interfere with the day their maid comes over to clean. BITCH get over yourself!!
Large groups of people, anywhere. Being 4′ 9″ makes a crowd a very uncomfortable place to be. Elbows, hair, armpits, shoulders… my god people BE AWARE of who’s around you! I have stomped on more than a few feet. In self-defense of course.
Young kids with cell phones. There is no good reason that anyone who has not entered high school yet needs a cell phone. If you’re trying to justify the reasons.. don’t. You’re wrong, I promise.
Guys that “cat-call” women. Who the hell do you think you are? In my past (when I used to wear make-up and was prettier), I would either straight up ignore these jerks or turn around and tell them where they could put it.. you know what I mean.
UNconscientious smokers. You’re thinking, “huh?” Well, I am a very proud CONSCIENTIOUS smoker. I don’t blow my smoke on innocent passersby, I don’t put my cigarette butts wherever I feel like, and I NEVER smoke around kids. Not even mine. I don’t even like when she sees me smoking, so I hide.
People that tell me I should quit smoking. Don’t you think I know that? I’ve seen the commercial with the creepy ass lady sporting a wig, fake teeth and hole in her neck telling me it’s bad for me. I know the facts. STFU would you?
People, in general. Unless you are part of my family, one of my very few friends, someone who makes me laugh, or a reader of my blog (or even just this post)…. consider yourself hated until proven loved.