“You may now kiss the bride.”

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Some lady I have never met will tell my fiancé that in 2 months & 4 days. In front of our family and friends, we’ll smooch and be married. I’m having a really hard time getting excited about the whole thing, really. One thing I’ve learned about myself in the 1.5 years we’ve been engaged is that I will never, ever be a wedding planner. I fucking loathe this entire process. I hate the sudden push for traditionalism, constantly being lectured on “what’s appropriate” and being told how/what I should be doing. You know what everyone? Go to hell!

Our wedding day will also be our 4 year anniversary. I planned it that way because I’m OCD and didn’t want two anniversary dates! However, because of the length of time we’ve been together and the fact that we’ve cohabited for 3 of those 4 years (and he basically stepped in as Dad for my kid) makes me feel like we are already married. So all this wedding hoopla is STRAIGHT UP ANNOYING!

My mom and best friend are constantly on my ass about what I need to do or who I need to call and blah fucking blah. I get it, it’s a wedding, I have to make arrangements for it. Quite honestly though, I would have been perfectly happy doing the whole Justice of the Peace thing with a couple of witnesses and after-party at the closest bar…. but my family would have had a fit. Those cute little Italian Catholics LOVE their traditions and shit like that. I can’t wait to see their reactions when there are absolutely ZERO mentions of God, prayers, or any of that religious crap in my ceremony :)

All I want to do is make the favors and decorate. Those are the only things that feel like fun to me. I don’t want to drag my ass around in a big fancy constricting dress (although yes, it is GORGEOUS) being chatted up by people I don’t know, literally. Half of my mother’s family are strangers to me, and those are the folks that will be eating up the overpriced food and binge drinking on the overpriced alcohol. I care about picking out flowers for the floral arrangements. I don’t give a shit what my fiancé and his groomsmen wear, hell I didn’t even care what my bridesmaids wear.

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Deciding on the cupcake/cake shit was PAINFUL and creating the different lists of music for the DJ is a task that makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a busted pen. Let’s see… what else?? Oh, photographer – haven’t hired one of those. Invitations – haven’t ordered those. Shoes – I bought but my mother and Matron hate them….. you get the picture? I just don’t feel like doing any of this. Unfortunately since my mother is footing the entire bill, I am obliged to do these things and not bitch about them. Had she not offered to be our financier, Justice of the Peace it would have been!!

It’s not that I don’t want to get married, I just never wanted it to be all this fuss. To me it’s more about the whole signing the marriage certificate and being legally recognized as a couple. For everyone else it’s about… the hoopla (and as my mother and Matron keep saying – “the gifts”). Fuckin’ good riddance man, you can keep it all!

Who knows, maybe my attitude will change when it gets closer? For right now though, this whole thing has been one major pain in the ass. Bring on the wedding day so I can eat cake and drink beer and be done planning!!!!

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15 thoughts on ““You may now kiss the bride.”

    • LOL I wish. One of the bridesmaids is my matron of honor who is 11 weeks pregnant on bedrest and already doing too much, the other one is getting married in the fall and equally busy with her wedding arrangements. the third one is my 11 year old sister :) I just need to stop being lazy!

  1. You sound just like my (former) bestfriend did when she was planning her wedding. She wanted no part of it but felt forced to do it because of the mothers. And so I will tell you the same thing I said to her: At least you’re getting married!

    Seriously, you’re going to look back on this and laugh at how much you hated organizing it. And then you’ll look at your husband and know why you did it. So, try to have fun because weddings are a beautiful thing and you’re going to be a beautiful bride. :)

    • You know what? You are so right :) I reread this post last night and the only thought that came to mind is that I sound like a spoiled brat!! Which is probably true… Then I felt guilty so I actually did some work on my to-do list. Reverse psychology-ing myself or something. LOL

  2. Although my wedding day was wonderful and perfect…the planning part was shitty. I hated the decisions, the disagreements, having my MOH and MIL be more zilla-ish than me…it was insane.

    From the bottom of my heart – good luck!!!

  3. It’s a bit late, but… CONGRATULATIONS!!! I can’t imagine what goes into planning a wedding… but it will all be over soon, and you can return to your life as normal… with the addition of a marriage license :)

    • Thank you!! Much more goes into the wedding planning than I have actually done. My mom and matron of honor have done most of the leg work, and I’m not even ashamed. They LOVE it – so everyone wins, right? ;)

      • Hahaha, I couldn’t agree more! Let the good times roll! I will be in a wedding in 10 days and since my friend (the groom) planned most of it I will be carrying a small flask of alcohol on my thigh to relax him should anything not turn up the way they planned :)

  4. Yeah. I’m just glad as the dude I didn’t have to do much. My family helped me with the tux and my wife did everything else. It wasn’t a big high priced wedding or even perfectly pulled off. In fact, I loved our wedding for all the stuff that went wrong. I stepped on her dress accidently and almost tripped her, our officiator was 90 and half in the grave, our wedding cake (the only thing I cared about) was made by a family friend of hers was a leaning tower of pisa and gross, the list goes on. Talking to strangers was the worst and I just wanted the day to end so I didn’t have to talk to any one anymore. The marriage is what it is all about.

    • LOL Ben your comment made me giggle :) I hope a bunch of shit goes wrong on my wedding day so I have something to look back on and laugh after all this stress. Talking to all the strangers is what I’m least looking forward to, it’s been making me very bitter because I asked my mom to keep the guest list small but she’s more worried about stepping on toes and making waves than respecting my request…. but oh well. It’s almost here and then it will be gone!

      • No girl has ever looked forward to her wedding less that you, my friend. I hope the food is terrible so you will have something to complain about. In fact, I hope it is so bad that you forget about a certain incident with Jimmy John’s and a certain bitter blogger. Have fun with your small talk that I like to avoid like a plague.

        • Good – I was trying to be the absolute least excited Bride of all time, glad it’s working out! Speaking of Jimmy John’s – I’m going to a two-day event in CO next month for work. Guess who the lunches will be catered by??? Can you believe it? LOL I will DEFINITELY be getting the turkey :)

          • It is funny that you will be forced to eat that sandwich, that vowed you would never pay for again. At least it is free this time (I assume). Hope you have the most eventful wedding where everything goes wrong as possible. Take photos of the disaster and post to your blog please. :)

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