No, really. I got nothin for you folks. I used up all my F bombs in my last post and now I’m just an empty sack of BLAH. I thought maybe I would do some bragging on my kid, but you should already know that she’s the most amazing 8-year-old in the WORLD! No need to expand on that. I’ve been talking about wedding stuff so much that I might ban the W-word from my blog permanently…. what else? Work? There is literally nothing going on at work. My fiancé? Hmmm… nope, got nothin there either since all he does is teach, coach, come home and pass out. He’s a useless sack of shit these days…. looking forward to the end of baseball season! How about something I haven’t bitched about before?
Week-day evening kid activities.
I fucking loathe them. With soccer on the schedule for tonight, I’m feeling a little hateful. The last 2 practices were cancelled for rain and little J missed the game last weekend because of a scheduling conflict (uhhh since when does she have more shit going on in her life than me??) Anyway, since the stupid sun is shining I guess my little break from soccer is over. So this is what my evening will look like:
Work till 4:30, pick the kid up at 5:15 (on a good traffic day – 5:45 on a bad one), literally strip her and throw soccer stuff on… have you ever tried to rush putting shin guards on a kid? It usually ends up backfiring horribly and taking 8x as long. But I rush anyway because there’s like 3 minutes to get it all done and back out the door! Get to practice at 6:05, always late. Sit there playing on my phone for an hour avoiding eye contact with the other moms because they’re all chatting with each other and I don’t give a fuck about being buddy buddy with the other soccer moms (but I’ll complain all day long about not having friends). Rush back home. Force the kid to do homework in her soccer stuff because there is simply NO TIME!!!!!!! Cook up something not exactly healthy and barely desirable to eat for dinner. Shove it down her throat. Throw her into the shower and harass her every 30 seconds to hurry up. Limit bedtime snack options to things that only take a couple of minutes to eat.. let her read for a whopping 5 minutes, then shut the lights off.
Do wedding stuff until my eyes bleed. Then open the bottle of wine and suck on a cigarette.
Not my idea of fun at all.
When she has Girl Scout meetings, it’s a different kind of painful. They start at 6:30 which gives me just enough time to feed her before we go – if I think ahead and make something in the crock pot. Which I normally don’t. I never remember to put her patches on so I have a bag of like 20 that need to be attached and if I’m feeling froggy I might try ironing 1 or 2 on before rushing out the door. The Girl Scout meetings make me want to kill myself, though. The parents are nice and all, and I do chat with them, but the fucking kids are off the hook crazy. The leaders are not so great at being interesting or assertive + there are 14 girls in one room = chaos. If our military ever needs a new way to torture bad people – making them watch an endless loop of Girl Scout meetings could do the trick quite effectively. Hey, Barack – call me if you’re interested… I know just the Troop to use…… Luckily those meetings are every other week and I’ve made J take little J to the last 2. Cause I’ve been doing all this wedding shit basically by myself and HE OWES ME! Big time.
So there you have it, absolutely nothing interesting at all. One of these days I might be able to put together an actual post about something meaningful. Until then, go play in traffic or something.
For shits and giggles: