Guilty Conscience

I knew it would happen eventually… that all the fun, happy, rah rah, love dove attitude would fade…. This morning marked the first day back to “normal” around my place (whatever that means). The first problem was waking up at 6am, because I hate 6am with a passion. I prefer to wake up at 7am then run around like a crazy woman to barely make it to work on time by the skin of my teeth, that’s just my style. So I was cranky.

Then, noticing that little J was already up, dressed and eating breakfast, I felt proud! I gave her a hug and kissed her and told her that she’s awesome. She has to go to summer school with J in the mornings to wait for her dance camp at his high school to start. This morning he was going in even earlier to be in the weight room for a fucking football training session… Anyway. Little J goes “Well, I thought I better get ready really fast today because J was mad at me for making him late yesterday.”

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONES. He did what now?!

Yesterday morning little J did absolutely nothing that made him leave late. If anything, I did because I was slow to do her hair and I’m the official hair do-er in the apartment. So when she told me that…. I was fucking livid. I marched straight into our bedroom and said “If you EVER make MY daughter feel guilty about YOU being late to work again, I will KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!”

Yeah, I said that.

A slight overreaction perhaps. Very immaturely stated. Vindictive and hateful. Yes, yes, yes and yes. I suck at life sometimes… mostly in the morning.

So now I feel guilty :( Because little J is such an empathic person, not only did she feel guilty about him being late yesterday.. she also felt bad for “getting him in trouble”. He of course has forgiven me and gone on like any other day because temperamental morning outbursts are not uncommon for me. Especially with my period looming over my head. I tend to take the bitchy PMS thing to a whole other level.

Score zero for me today, fuck.

Amanda

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