Shut up and do work chickens.

From my lovely seat at the front of the office, I’m perfectly positioned to hear conversations from every corner. This morning, the loud clucking sounds are coming from the kitchen. One woman says “I just got a call from L” (another of my coworker’s daughter who is babysitting for the first woman). “She said E doesn’t want to go to swim practice so she called so I could tell her she has to go” -insert loud cackling and 5 minutes of teasing about how their kids all hate going to swim practice and blah blah blah-

Tell me, preppy bitches, why you force your children to do swim team? Is it because you all live in an affluent area and that’s what the kids do, period? Way to take the fun out of being in a pool. A few weeks ago, they were all bitching about meets and schedules and rained out practices and the extreme time commitments… quit showing off for the fucking world and let your kids do something they like which doesn’t require signing in blood or spending 30 hours at the pool WITHOUT playing and having fun.

Sometimes I wonder why I ever liked these women, their ideas of parenting are so fucking crazy it makes me want to punch them in the face. They all OVER parent, which is a side effect of being a DC metropolitan native, in my opinion. One has a daughter entering Kindergarten in the fall and has apparently been researching schools and meticulously stalking potential teachers at said schools for YEARS. YEARS! Another has a child entering second grade and is already stressing about getting her into the advanced academic program after she takes a particular test this year.

Hey bitches, calm the fuck down and let nature take its course. We live in one of the best fucking school “districts” in the country, relax yourself. Your kid’s gonna get a better education without you hovering over their little heads every 5 seconds.

Oh, by the way? It’s my job to answer the phone and transfer calls to you. Why don’t you go back to your fucking offices and do some work so I don’t have to come track you down when your husbands call every 10 fucking minutes like I’m some sort of personal answering service.

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk I hate mornings.

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7 thoughts on “Shut up and do work chickens.

    • Is he really 5? If so… that’s crazy. We have been easing into the extra curriculars because they are so time consuming and really disrupt a regular school/dinner/shower/bed routine during the school year. Things that are good for kids who want to do well in school, ironically enough ;)

      • Yep, he’s 5. He’s been doing the soccer thing since he was 3. I’ve gone to a few of his soccer practices and I swear to you my brother and his wife are the only parents there that yell things at him so that he does better.

        • Well… luckily kids are resilient. Hopefully he lets that roll of his shoulders and doesn’t internalize it and feel like he is never doing well enough. I would say mean and nasty things about your brother & sister-in-law …. but I’ll just think them instead ;) I’ve done enough electronic screaming for one day!

  1. My brother and his wife had my nephew tested to see if he could get into the “gifted program” that the Chicago Public Schools offer. He had to take a special test at IIT (the Illinois Institute of Technology), too. Apparently he did well and will be going to a “gifted school” in the Fall. A school where every child will have an iPad and learn French.

    Man, what was I doing when I was 5?

    • Probably scraping your knees and enjoying your childhood. I hate when children are forced into the paths their parents think is best for them academically. My preference is for little J to be picked up for the advanced academic program on her own (by scoring whatever).. then give HER the choice to leave her school or stay. Based on pros or cons and an educated look at both options as a family. These people feel like their kid is stupid if they’re not at the advanced schools .. poor kids. I know my kid is smart and capable without needing a test or school to affirm it for me!

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