I just had an “argument” with my husband that started completely randomly. Out of nowhere. About my daughter, of course… In 4 years of being together and exhausting all the other things to argue about, my daughter and housework are the only things that keep the argument candle burning.
To be honest, I can’t even tell you how it started. I can however tell you that it has ended with my husband going to bed while I type angrily away on my laptop.
The gist of the argument is that J thinks Little J manipulates me into being on her side and undermining his authority. My argument is that he is way too tough on her and has unrealistic expectations for an 8-year-old. I’m pretty sure that I’m right.
Bragging aside, my daughter is a perfect angel. She is well-behaved in public, she does what we tell her, when we tell her [even if she does them slower than we would prefer], she is an enthusiastic student, indiscriminate back scratcher, follower of rules even if we’re not around, lover of dance/soccer/tae kwon do/girl scouts, and even says please and thank you.. most of the time. Oh, by the way… she’s fucking 8 going into 3rd grade this year.
My position is that she does not manipulate me to her “side,” when I stick up for her it’s because I think J is being an unfair asshole. There are many, MANY occasions when she sticks up for him because she thinks I’m being unfair to him. Ask me how many time he sticks up for her.
The answer: 0.
For whatever reason.. when my husband looks at my little girl… he sees someone who is looking to take advantage of any situation in her favor. I find this perspective completely unacceptable and quite frankly, the one thing that would make me consider not being his wife in the future.
I don’t give a shit what kind of paper I signed, or promise I made while wearing a fancy dress… my daughter – my baby girl – will ALWAYS be my number 1 priority. I don’t give a fuck about marital unity or united parental consensus. Until the day that I [or she] dies, I will consider myself to be her last line of defense. The one person on this planet who would die for her, without batting an eyelash. That’s me. I’m her fucking Mom. Considering the fact my husband didn’t meet her until she was 4, and still doesn’t put her as his main priority, his opinion when it comes to their differences is low on my list. Hers is first.
I always step back and picture how a situation looks through her eyes. I feel like that is my responsibility as a parent. To be sure I am taking into account her feelings when responding to a situation. His tactic is: “I’m the adult, so fuck you.”
Trust me.. I am usually on board with that. Unless I think that taking that kind of stance is unfair for her. Being so young, I can remember in painful, vivid details, being a young person who adults talked down to and didn’t give the time of day to… simply because they were adults and in charge.
That is un-fucking-acceptable and I refuse to raise my daughter that way. You people probably have no idea what it’s like to try to “teach” someone who has never had a child to be a parent. It’s fucking hard. All J has to go on are his own experiences from childhood, which he will happily tell you were not good.
So why, when your childhood was so “shitty”, would you employ those same shitty tactics on another child? I simply won’t stand for it. I don’t fucking care what our vows said. When it comes down to J and Little J… you can bet that I will have my daughter’s back 100%.
If she were doing something life threatening, awful, shitty beyond comprehension, disrespectful to the people around her, etc… it would be a different story. However, my kid is actually a legitimately good kid, despite having a mother that is merely 19 years older than her. I refuse to make her feel like shit for waking up at 5am when we have company here, or having a bad attitude now and then. These things are normal, to be expected, and not things to make a big lasting deal of.
When you make a kid feel like shit about little unimportant things.. they will find a reason to give you actual important things to make a big deal out of. You can bet your ass on that because it’s human fucking nature.
So I say to you J.. calm your ass the fuck down, get off Little J’s ass for the stupid little things, and this will be one happy marriage.
Continue to make my baby girl feel like shit about things that are unimportant and the little things that have no lasting impact on the grand scheme of our lives… I will make you sorry you were ever born. My husband or not. You can bet your ass I will make your life a living hell.
Push me, I fucking DARE you.