True Life: I’m coaching my kid’s soccer team.

What the fuck kind of alternate universe did I fall into where I’m a soccer coach for a kid’s team?! I don’t even know. All I do know, is that I’m insane and this happened, now I’m Coach Amanda. Can you even believe that? If you’ve read even one of my posts, you could probably guess that I’m not a fan of groups of children, other people’s children, and other children’s parents. Yet I managed to position myself to deal with all three for an hour three times a week. WTF Amanda.

I got an email a couple of weeks ago from Little J’s head soccer coach, who also happens to be a Girl Scout Dad in our troop. He desperately sent out a call for help with the assistant coach and team parent positions… so guess what I spontaneously decided to help with?! No, not the job that only requires signing people up for snacks and end-of-season party duties… no. I volunteered for the job that requires total and complete involvement with all aspects of this soccer shit from Practice #1 to Game #Last. I don’t even know what that means…

We had the first practice tonight and I AM WRECKED. First of all, I smoke.. so running around for an hour is like life threatening. I should quit, blah, blah.. I’m well aware, trust me. And after today, I am hyper aware. Second of all, the head coach is kinda totally fucking stupid. We’ve spent the last 3 days emailing back and forth, and I gave him all these ideas and all these suggestions… he used none. Then tonight he was like “uhhh so what should we do next?”

COME ON MAN. So my assistant coach job just turned into a babysit the head coach job cause dude is clueless. He knows soccer, but he knows nothing of coaching (or planning, preparing, managing twelve 8-year-olds, etc). He’s lucky that I enjoyed myself tonight, because I will happily hold his hand through this process for the sake of the kids.

I know, I don’t even know myself right now. Maybe it’s the wine talking… that’s probably it. Cause that’s what kid soccer coaches do right? Come home, shower and crack the bottle? If not, I hope to start a new trend:


Always yours,

Coach Amanda

9 thoughts on “True Life: I’m coaching my kid’s soccer team.

  1. Pingback: On being “that” person. | Write in the Wrong Way

  2. You are one brave woman… I cannot imagine doing the soccer coach thing (or any other organized sport coaching thing). Just keeping up with the 6 year old grand daughter during her swimming lessons this summer was a hand full, and I only went to a few of those! ;) Put more than 1 or 2 kids plus their parents into the mix and I guarantee some old wound is going to be acting up as my excuse to stay at home…!

    • Well hot damn that is exactly the kind of thing I want to read first thing in the morning! Unfortunately, I’m recently married and off the market LOL. I’m just glad to know that someone other than my husband appreciates a REAL woman haha! ;)

    • Hahaha glad you enjoyed it. You’ll really get a kick out of tonight’s post then. Little J is performing in the Nutcracker, and I hate “Dance Moms” even more than I hate soccer parents. I just hope the kid knows how much I realllllly really love her and want her to have a well-rounded life!

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