Okay folks, it’s here. The post you’ve all been hoping I wouldn’t write! I’m having a hard time with the title though… #dididothisright? Is this not the proper platform for hashbrowns? What the fuck is a tweeter anyway? As a 28-year-old, I find that I am already one of those old people who has no idea what the hell an instaphoto or snapconversation is. I stay behind on technology and apps and all that shit because I really don’t dig pop culture. Facebook is about all I can handle. 50 shades of kiss my ass and magic men who need to put more clothes on do not interest me in the slightest. (Please excuse the hypocrisy while I watch Hunger Games for the billionth time on Netflix…). I digress.
As you’re probably aware.. 2014 recently began. Every time you blink there is something else slapping you in the face with this “New Year New You” bullshit. Right? People (and I use that word loosely) telling you to change stuff about yourself because the calendar is starting over again. Not like another blog post needed to join in the fun, but I’m gonna do it anyway. Amanda style.
I can honestly say that 2013 was the best fucking year of my life. Ever.
It feels cliche to type that .. so I can only imagine how many eyes are rolling now. Just hear me out (or see me out?) Just don’t kick me out for christ sake! Oh wait, this is MY blog. Sit down and shut up. (Directed that towards myself… I seem to be riding away on a wild tangent caused by too much coffee). I digress.
Now I’m supposed to tell you about why 2013 was the best and how much I’m looking forward to 2014 and blah blah. Except now that I’ve started typing, that seems like a lot of work. I don’t feel like building the back story to the reason I opened WordPress today. So I’m skipping right to the meat and potatoes (YUM)!
In no particular order, here are my 2014 New Year Resolutions:
Wear makeup, jewelry and blow-dry my hair on weekdays
This probably seems like a no brainer to you ladies, but I am truly a lazy sack of shit when it comes to my appearance. I want to be better about that so that I can feel pretty!
Don’t smoke before the kid goes to bed on weekdays
I’ve developed a bad habit with my bad habit. I head out to the porch after dinner every night and sometimes a second time before Little J is in bed. She hates it and I should be spending that time with her anyway.
Do all the dishes before going to bed every night
My hubby and I split the dishwasher responsibility. I load, he unloads. I’m trying to get us both into the habit of getting the dishes cleaned and put away before bed so we’re not scrambling to do it in the mornings or the evenings when we’re trying to make dinner.
GO TO BED every night
J and I have a terrible habit of falling asleep watching on the couches almost every night. It’s laziness, pure and simple.
Use teeth whitening kit for 2 weeks
I bought a whitening kit a month before my wedding that was supposed to be a two-week treatment. I used it ONE time. Something about having the little trays stuck to my mouth for 30 minutes drives me NUTS but I definitely need to lighten the color of my nasty smoker/coffee drinker teeth.
Stop cursing around (and at) the kid
This is pretty self-explanatory, I think.
Be nicer both in my head and out loud
I tend to think really mean and nasty things about people when I see them out and about. Everything from “what is that bitch wearing?!” to “I bet he thinks he’s cool as shit in that stupid car.” Most of the time these awful things spill out of my mouth and I get scolded by my 8-year-old who finds it embarrassing for me to mutter mean shit
under my breath loudly. Oh, and I’m not setting a very good example on how to be a decent human being either.
You’ll notice that there are no eat healthy, exercise, lose weight or quit smoking resolutions on my list. That’s because I’m fucking realistic. The last digit of the year changing is not enough motivation for me to make those kind of big ass, scary lifestyle changes. I can handle the small shit though… so for now, that’s what I plan to do.
On this 9th day of January, 2014… I resolve to be #KindaNewMeButNotTooDifferentFromBefore.