Coworker 1: Oh my gawd, I cannot believe the schools were delayed two hours! The roads were FINE! In fact, the roads are even worse now than they were this morning because of the rain! Ugh! I swear to gawd I am going to hire an attorney and sue the school district for time lost at work because of all of these closings and delays. I swear ******* County has a secret agenda to keep women from working! Watch, on Monday when it’s 60* the kids won’t have school because it will be too HOT to wait at the bus! Jesus christ!
Side note: I write “gawd” because she has a slight drawl type of accent and overemphasizes words like that. She is also a salaried employee, so she’s still getting paid even though she’s not at work. Oh, and our boss literally does not give a shit because he understands that these things happen. Also, I’ve been able to work a completely full week with a child also in school because I know how to plan ahead, adjust on the fly, and pay $175 for my daughter to be in before-school care which still opens on time even if school is delayed. Drama Queen.
Coworker 2: I was coming up the stairs, and saw a woman talking on her phone. She was about your height, had dark hair like you, looks like she weighs about the same as you. And I was all like “Why is Amanda standing in the stairwell?!”
This comment is not particularly crazy, but the fact that he compared my weight to some other woman’s is just wrong. Don’t do that dude.
Coworker 3: Can you believe that M wanted to argue the amount of his bonus with the boss?! Like, it’s a GIFT! He was all like “but my apartment rent went up” and I was like “oh well”!
Because discussing private conversations from one coworker with other coworkers is cool, right?
Coworker 4: Are you sure the agenda book that came in wasn’t for you? <Yes> Really? I swear I thought it was you that ordered it. <It wasn’t me> Huh.. so strange.. I really thought that was your handwriting. <Uhh, nope. I didn’t write that on the board>
I really swear on my life I didn’t order that fucking agenda book you lunatic. If I did, it would have been because I use one, which I don’t. So I didn’t order it. Get it?
Coworker 5: ZzzzzZzzzzzZzzzzz sniffle, readjust in chair, ZzzzzZzzzZzzzz
I cannot even make this shit up.
TFIF: Thank Fuck it’s Friday!!!! I need a little break from these wackadoodles I work with!!!!!