Things in need of updating:

1- It is no longer freezing cold, just regular cold. It actually rained today.

2-My brother is back in rehab. Just finished up detox and is proactively creating a future plan with his new counselor. As in, could be classified as genuinely looking forward to go to Florida to a long-term treatment center. This, my friends, is BIG news.

My mom sounds so much happier when I speak to her now. I think there is actually a little light shining at the end of this tunnel. Tiny, but visible. Addiction is not something you just put down and walk away from. It is something that stays wrapped tightly around the inside of your body and the back of your mind. So we know that although N is on the verge of a HUGE step forward in his recovery, it is a baby step in the big picture.

It feels weird to even mention “recovery”. When I think back on the 25 years I’ve known my brother then attribute all the things I know about him now, I feel ashamed to say that we grew up together. All along there were signs. Big, glaring obvious ones. But out of context given the various situations….. so with the whirlwind of activity over the last 1.5 years, it is surreal to realize that “my brother” has not really been my brother for many, many years. Addiction changes the people you love into ugly, morbid versions of themselves. I long for the day that I can look N in the eyes and not wonder who he is going to be today.

So… the recent change has been the most promising and I’m hoping that this plan that is being drafted gets to live to see the execution.


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