Little J joined a travel soccer league over the summer. She was actually scouted during the end of season rec soccer tournament, which was pretty damn cool. In addition to the grueling 3-practices-a-week schedule, they also do ‘scrimmagefests’ from time to time. One of those times was today. It went a little something like this, … Continue reading

That awkward moment when..

Your best friend calls to ask if it’s safe for her son to spend the night with your brother (I know, it’s weird, they’re the same age). She asked if it’s safe. Read: is my heroin addict brother there. Is my enabling, in denial, mentally unwell mother going to be caring for them. Will there … Continue reading

What do you do when you’re not sure?

This morning was great. Like, really super awesome for a Monday! I woke up relatively on-time. Managed to shower and dress in record time. Casually descended the stairs (because we now live in a TOWNHOUSE instead of an APARTMENT). Then I made the kid lunch! Which isn’t really such a big deal.. but it’s a … Continue reading

Can’t take my mind off of you.

Can’t take my mind off of you.

N, I miss you. I miss my little brother… As far as I’m concerned, he died a few months ago. He was almost back… so close. I will never take those moments for granted, when I almost saw you again. He’s nowhere to be found, now. Just a ghost remains, an empty shell. A manipulative … Continue reading

Let me take you on a tour of crazy.

I broke. I knew I would. I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes at 2pm and I smoked one. And it was fucking sweet. Post-cigarette remorse crept in and I scolded myself appropriately. I said “Amanda, you WILL NOT get a cigarette on your ride home today. And because you have the self … Continue reading

Divine Intervention?

Divine Intervention?

I’m not really one for religion. Or god. Or worshiping anyone other than myself. I don’t buy into the church stuff. I have my reasons… but this isn’t the time or place for all that. I say all this to say that something funny has been happening this morning. What most of you knee benders … Continue reading

Mad for no good reason.

This is me, all the time. Instead of having a really good reason or two to get mad, I pick lots of stupid little shit instead. This morning my main source of pissedoffness (yeah, I did that) was the time that Little J woke up today. Which was 4:30am. I know she can’t control that. … Continue reading

Sometimes, I just like to screw shit up.

Like quitting smoking. Doing something for a WHOLE WEEK is boring, so  I only did it for a few days. Then smoked enough cigarettes over the weekend to completely cancel out any progress made last week.. smh. The drinking didn’t help, just as I predicted. But drank anyway. Cause I have this much self-control: ZERO. … Continue reading